My Ex Introduced Me to Arepas. They’re Now My Favorite Comfort Food.

The word “arepa” did not exist to me until finally 3 yrs ago. My information of Latin American delicacies was limited to the Mexican foodstuff of my California hometown. We’re recognized for the La Victoria Taquerias and their distinctive orange sauce, but to me, the finest Mexican location is a hard cash-only stand with picnic desk seating serving classics like substantial burritos, tacos, and quesadillas stuffed so full that they might as nicely be burritos. Escalating up, I’d be challenging-pressed to record meals from wherever additional south of the border.

Now, my lover and I pan-fry white cornmeal dough into minimal crispy disks and things them with salty, crumbly queso fresco and sautéed bell peppers at the very least twice a month for a Colombian/Venezuelan-inspired meal.

Oddly more than enough, this staple meal of ours is a relic of my preceding relationship. My ex’s Colombian-born mom made use of to make arepas for breakfast, and I discovered that the very little corn pancakes took place to be just the suitable sizing for reheating in the toaster. They turned an instantaneous most loved and to this day, continue to be my range one particular ease and comfort foods.

For an individual whose eating and psychological wellness have often been inextricably linked, consolation foods are a necessity for me. It’s a position of pleasure to just be able to say I locate particular foodstuff comforting, a notion that has not constantly come simple for me. I’ve been relearning how to take pleasure in feeding on considering the fact that I was eleven several years previous, when a mission to “eat healthy” took a dim convert and sent me to the hospital with troubles linked to anorexia.

In eating ailment restoration, “safe foods” are the foods that keep on being after you’ve villainized all the other people. When you can not deliver you to take in anything else, these choose foods will be there. As I have recovered, “safe” meals have evolved into comfort foods, like peanut butter and banana smoothies, cereal, and scrambled eggs for supper. They are for times of emptiness, days when I come to feel overcome and anxious. They are my go-to when the planet will not halt spinning long sufficient for me to grasp the thought of filling my belly with nearly anything far more elaborate. And now, that record consists of arepas.

When my ex and I 1st moved in together, we equally discovered that we had been feeding on extra regularly than we at any time experienced. Mmonths into residing jointly, I identified myself unmotivated and apathetic. Panic attacks pounced on me and took more than without rationale or warning.

We did not usually have an understanding of what the other required in all those days, but my spouse was trustworthy when it arrived to earning meal on the days when depression left my head blank. “Hot corn disk?” he’d ask (that is what I had taken to calling them). “Hot corn disk,” I would reply, and we’d share a understanding smile.

Three ingredients were being all we wanted for the savory pancake dinner: pre-cooked white cornmeal, water, and salt. For the longest time, I wasn’t particularly sure how to recreate the arepas on my individual since he created them from memory. There had been no measurements. He would basically heat a little bowl of water in the microwave, mix it into a much larger bowl entire of cornmeal, and sprinkle in a dash of salt. Just after stirring it all jointly right up until it resembled the creamiest Thanksgiving mashed potatoes that had been virtually liquid, he kneaded the dough and still left it to rest for a number of minutes. The closing move was frying them until eventually their yellowish colour turned golden brown. To me, they smelled like connoisseur film theater popcorn—one of the many scents of nostalgia. Often we slathered the arepas with my beloved vegan butter and fried some eggs alongside them for a additional effectively-rounded evening meal.

But no quantity of ease and comfort foodstuff, not even arepas, could take care of factors.

The grief that followed our seemingly unavoidable breakup remaining no space for foods in my belly. Some days I hardly ate at all. My spouse and children feared I was relapsing, no make a difference how considerably I tried using to clarify that the melancholy designed eating irrelevant at most effective and unattainable at worst. When I did commence taking in again, it was purely psychological. I’d get home from my all-working day partial hospitalization plan and swallow the unhappiness down with a parade of Hershey’s darkish chocolate kisses.

Two months following leaving the healthcare facility method, I rejoined Bumble and achieved out to a woman I experienced ghosted months right before. It turned out she was in eating condition restoration, way too. We’ve been courting for a 12 months now, and creating arepas together for practically just as very long.

At first, I felt uncomfortable telling her about my comfort and ease foodstuff. She’d experienced arepas in the farmers’ markets of Los Angeles, but under no circumstances knew how effortless they were to make at dwelling. Of program, she was curious as to how I, a white female with Italian and Swedish heritage, came to make this Colombian dish a element of my greatest hits listing of recipes. Beginning any sentence with “My ex…” early on in any connection is a daring and potentially stupid shift.

When you go via a separation, there are tunes you have to ban from your playlists and spots you cannot move without experience a lump catch in your throat. We connect so quite a few points to the memory of a person.

But when I make arepas now, the decline does not hit me in the identical way. Arepas are my matter as a great deal as they are my ex’s. He merely delivered the introduction. I didn’t even have to simply call and question for the recipe it’s conveniently shown on the again of the cornmeal bag.

In my preceding romantic relationship, I required to be any one but myself, mainly because to me, that was the only way I would ever be ample. When it ended, I felt I had not only shed myself, but anything. But now, I’ve reclaimed the matters that are me and mine.

The silver lining was heat, round, and mouth watering.